Saturday, March 28, 2009

Music and Memories....

Music has always been a large part of my life. You might say certain songs have created the ‘soundtrack’ to my existence. I have always found solace in certain songs and have related to lyrics at specific points in my life. It’s amazing how hearing a certain song can take you back to a place & time, feelings, sights, smells…. As if it was just yesterday. Case in Point –

Juice Newton Queen of Hearts, Living room of my house in Snohomish, Maybe 4 years old…

Smokey Robinson Tears of a Clown - passenger seat of my moms RX7 after being picked up from Daycare…

Elton John Tiny Dancer – Back Seat of the bronco on my way to Lake Tahoe with my dad…drinking SUPER SIPS from Costco… needless to say A LOT of bathroom breaks! haha

Fleetwood Mac Dreams – Summer, sunroof open in my 1987 Jetta GL, going to Mukilteo beach in high school.

Tim McGraw/Faith Hill I need you – my wedding...

This is the beauty in music. It’s as if our memories & loved ones are ingrained in the melody, no matter where we are when that song comes on… these special moments drift out of the lyrics!

Never in my life has music, melody and lyrics made such an impact on me than during my pregnancy. I found my son in numerous songs….and found myself crying A LOT!

One song in particular that I have always loved but that really touched me when I became pregnant is “God Speed” by the Dixie Chicks. Natalie Mains wrote the song as a lullaby for her son. I found it again in the early weeks of my pregnancy and would listen to it constantly, sing along and many times cry along with the melody…. It became CASH’S song before we even knew HE was a HE… I had a hunch though! Once we confirmed he was INDEED a HE I had the chorus to the song printed onto stickers and Brandon installed it above the crib in the nursery, it reads:

“God Speed Little Man, Sweet Dreams Little Man. Our Love Will Fly to You Each Night on Angel’s Wings. God Speed, Sweet Dreams.”

(There wasn’t a video to this song so I found one that someone dubbed over an episode of X-files, funny I know, but the best I could do for ya! I also posted “Lullaby”, another song I love by the Dixie Chicks!)

Now that Cash is here, songs, even those I THOUGHT I already had a connection to, are SO much more meaningful. I find him in so many songs! When I look back at this time in our lives I will have a long list of memories imbedded into a thousand songs…

Cash will have a very strong connection to music as well, as I’m sure he already does… it definitely calms him. I spent many hours of my pregnancy, and now during middle of the night feedings, singing to him, and his daddy played his guitar to my belly each night and plays for Cash all the time still. My TV is STILL on CMT or the country channel almost all day long and we are building a pretty good lullaby collection for his nursery. So his memories are being ingrained into lyrics and melody…..

Even when I’m old and gray… if I’m having a hard time remembering my boy being tiny, I can just listen to a song and the memories and moments will flood into my heart!

(I HAD to post Juice Newton, now that I’ve thought about it the memories are flooding in…. I can SEE my mom dancing with the vacuum and I can HEAR her voice… I love it! Love you mom!)

Thursday, March 26, 2009


Cash James is 6 weeks old and it is official, HE IS SMILING AT US! I think he’s been doing this for a few weeks now but it wasn’t consistent so we weren’t sure but we are SURE now! He is a smiley happy boy and has DIMPLES! SO FRIGGIN ADORABLE! I HAVE to get a video camera soon so I can start posting some snippets of him. He is changing and growing so much each day. He LOVES it when daddy “eats his feeties” – it cracks him up, but I am not allowed to eat his feeties, it makes him mad when I do it! I find it ironic that I AM his food source yet when I pretend to eat him it upsets him. I guess he feels HE is at the top of this food chain! Haha…

During bath time today he peed and then immediately cracked up laughing; he thinks he’s HILARIOUS! Each day is such a joy with Cash. He is so wide eyed and aware of everything around him. He has even learned that Jack has bad breath – he tries to avoid his kisses as much as possible. Smart little man! I finally bought a Moby wrap yesterday – I was avoiding it because they are so intimidating (it’s a baby carrying wrap for those of you not “in the know”.) I don’t know HOW I got through the past 6 weeks without it – now I can REALLY multi-task! =)


Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Springing forward towards pet peeves...

Cash has had a rough time getting back on schedule with the time change. Who knew a single HOUR could bring my sleep schedule to a crashing HALT!?!? That along with afternoon naps being interrupted by people who want to hold him; word of advice... don't wake a sleeping baby in the beginning or even middle of his nap... you are pretty much RUINING the mothers next 3 nights! You know who you are people, and it needs to stop! At the very least ASK first... there are times when I know if he is woken up it will be ok, and there are other times when I know it means I will be drinking A LOT of extra coffee over the next few days! So even if you haven’t seen him in a while (or ever) and he’s SO CUTE… just please wait… he will eventually wake up and then you can hold him all you want!

So between springing forward and horrible horrible people (ok you aren’t horrible but at 3 am when he’s crying I could pretty much slit your throats!) we've inevitably had a few fussy nights the past week.. and to my surprise the ONE thing that seems to mesmerize him isn't ANY of the toys that everyone said we HAD to buy... oh no, it's the light fixture in his room! He gazes at it like it's a shooting star bringing him luck and peaceful dreams... he can be in an ALL OUT screaming fit and as soon as I put him on his changing table to change his diaper he immediately turns his head and just gazes at his light. It isn't even fancy.. the builder put it in, I’m pretty sure it's from the Hampton collection at home depot. Brandon DID put a dimmer on it so it's usually at a "low glow" but he will look RIGHT PAST the sea sounds light bright sea horse and stare at his light! AMAZING! I’m thinking about having that light fixture installed in every room of our house… it would make dinner so much easier! For once I would LOVE to be able to eat WITH my husband and when the food is STILL WARM! haha

Last night he finally got back on his old schedule and just as I was about to drift off into peaceful, much needed sleep Jack-Jack pukes then climbs onto my chest and starts whining… a mother’s job is never done is it? =)

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Cash James is ONE MONTH OLD!

Also known as.... 4 weeks, 28 days, 672 hours, 40,320 minutes OR 2,419,200 seconds! Yet, no matter how you slice it, our son is already ONE MONTH OLD! It feels like it's only been a few days since we brought him home... yet at the same time I cannot remember our life without him!

Today he had his one month appt with his FABULOUS pediatrician, Doctor Manfred Eichner. He is a lovely German man that is jovial, intelligent & very complimentary, so of course - I adore him! (A big THANK YOU to Torrie for referring us to him!) Cash has grown so much in the past 2 weeks alone. He is now an astonishing (to me at least, haha) 9 lbs 3.5 oz and 23 inches long; which although still small (yet TALL) seems SO BIG to us... he is even growing out of some of his newborn clothing; mostly pants and feetie jammies... he is skinny but so long, feetie jammies never had a chance with him, and newborn pants are pretty much capris so we had to nix those immediately! haha

His demeanor has changed so much as well, he has SO much more of a personality already. He has a tendency to laugh at the perfect time. I know he's "too young" to laugh voluntarily but it's eerie how he will laugh after Ryan Secrest makes a snide comment towards Simon (Yes, we watch A.I. don't try to pretend you don't!); or Brandon or I make a joke... I swear he understands us. Much like our Yorkie jack-jack, he knows what's going on as well.

I am excited for what is in store for us with our little man... yet I am just a tad bit sad that our newborn phase is almost over already. Those Prego’s reading this…. I know EVERYONE tells you this, but seriously - enjoy EVERY second because it goes by SO FAST!!

Monday, March 2, 2009

Traffic & Tears...

Today was the first day I ventured out alone, I had my post-op appt (I’m healing just fine, and have lost A LOT of my baby weight *YEAH ME!* thank you VERY much!) I had to take Cash to the pac-lab for a follow up PKU test. I don't know what the PKU test is for... but I DO know that they poke my son with a needle in his heel and then SQUEEZE his little baby foot so that his blood drops onto some paper that is later tested for whatever PKU stands for. It was traumatizing for both of us but we inevitably survived!

After the pac-lab I sat in the hospital parking lot and nursed Cash, it was time for him to eat and we both needed to be comforted by each other after the needle incident. Once he was dozing off I buckled him in and we were on our way, or so I thought. Once I hit 405 he was in full hysterics and I was on the brink of a melt-down as well. There is nothing more horrible than having your child screaming at the top of his lungs while you are on the freeway totally helpless. (Ok, I’m sure there are PLENTY of things more horrible but at this point in my “motherhood timeline” this is the MOST horrible!) I thought about pulling over a zillion times to comfort him but I knew it was almost rush hour and that would only delay my ability to comfort and nurse him even longer. So I sucked it up and kept on driving...

My heart was pretty much broken into a million little pieces by the time we got home, but seeing his little tear streaked face put me over the edge. I had, until that point, kept my own tears in check. Seeing his little traumatized baby eyes and tears, red faced and frustrated, I immediately started crying. I can't handle the tears, not yet at least!

I think I have done a good job thus far keeping Cash happy, he rarely cries for more than a few minutes and it's usually because I’m changing his diaper or he is hungry, but of course, there ARE times when I HAVE to pee or grab my meds or water before we can sit down for 45 minutes to nurse. I keep telling myself (mostly to keep from feeling like a horrible mother) that during these crying episodes, it is “good for the development of his lungs" (Especially since he is going to be a country music singer!) But this car trip was too much for this mama...

I'm sure this is something that every mom experiences, but if you could only see his little tear stained cheeks I’m SURE it would make you cry as well... crying is hard to take from any little one, but tears are like a hot razor to the heart!

I’m sure this is the first of many hysterical crying road trips for us. I’m hoping they get easier as I get accustomed to being a mama – but I think it will always break my heart to see/hear my son cry – and tears… well, I don’t think I will EVER over-come THOSE!

So much love....

Last night while making dinner Brandon walked into the kitchen holding Cash. He is such a great daddy, he holds him and attends to him as much as possible when he IS home since he works SO much! He looked pretty "schmoopy" as I like to call it, and said: "I love him SOOOOO much mama". (yes we call each other mama & daddy. I know, I know, super schmoopy, swallow the puke in your mouth and move on!) My heart SWELLED with love for this man. I didn't think I could love him one ounce more and yet each day I see him dote on our son I love him more and more!

I know a lot of people say having kids can make it harder on a marriage, and i'm sure in the future we will have our "struggles" but for now I am so madly in love with my "baby-daddy".

Those of you that know Brandon, well or even barely at all, know he is a pretty rugged "mans-man". Redneck is what I usually coin him as... yet he is the most sensitive, caring, loving husband and father (don't tell him i told you!) I am so fortunate to have him in my life & thank him every day for giving me such a wonderful son and for working so hard to allow me to stay home with our son. Thank you baby! I love you so much!!


Photos by Ann Elrod -

The Jackson Family, December 2008